Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Beyond the Mists of Reason, or The Halloween Post

Being born in the eve of All Saints gives me some special bonuses. One is the opportunity to make a dress-up party, something that is so strange to my upbringing that I probably won't take the advantage. Another is that if I were born on this same day some centuries ago, I would have been whispered to be a witch, something that looks very attractive nowadays in our pop-pagan culture, but was probably pretty uncomfortable back then when it actually mattered. Or in some cultures I would have been declared a "lucky kid", a belief coined probably to neutralize the evil spirits haunting around on Halloween.

I am not a witch and do not have any special gifts, but on this day (and, I admit it, after having read "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Zimmer Bradley in only two days) I cannot help it but wonder if such special abilities are suppressed or simply forgotten in the modern culture rather than non-existing. In other words, would I have been really a witch if I was born several centuries ago? 
I know people that have very strong intuitive bonds, and are able to perceive when something is happening to the other. I am speaking of a close friend of mine and her sister. Their mother has that strange something too, and once she has even had one of those dreams in which somebody tells you where to find a treasure and it turns out to be actually there. Well, it wasn't exactly a treasure in their case, just the documents of a land which belonged to the family but nobody knew about it. 
At hearing such stories I usually feel very sceptical. Intuitive bonds are still somehow rationally graspable. Dreams, I think, are just manifestations of our non-conscious so that we recall information and facts buried somewhere in our brain. It all can have rational explanation, couldn't it? 
I personally don't have such intuitions, I never had. Or almost never... 

Alas, I didn't dream a treasure, but the truth is that once I really had an experience that was beyond me. And to be precise, not that kind of experience when you think that God is pulling the strings of your life, but just a very simple and natural "prophetical" experience. It is really simple - I was traveling to a summer school where I wanted to meet a certain person but I knew for sure that the person won't be there. It was pretty long trip, first with an airplane and then with a coach. As the airplane was landing I started feeling strange, and a ball settled in my stomach. Then, as we were getting closer, that feeling grew into great excitement, my stomach and my heart were as stiff and heavy as stone, and it all slowly turned into full confidence, that the person will be there. I did not actually believe myself and my feeling, and tried to calm down and not to attach much importance.
You already know how it ends, don't you. The person WAS there. 
I was then in love, and that was the person I was in love with. Being in love is very particular feeling and for the purpose of the exposition I would say that it keeps your senses more open than usually, allowing such uncommon experiences to happen. It can all be explained, rationalized, but the explanation, as well as just the description of the event, reduces its actual significance and strength. I can explain and back up this story in many ways. But what really happened is that I had a knowledge of an event that was only about to happen.

I do not want to praise myself with the fame of having special powers, I sincerely do not believe that. On the contrary, it seems that I prefer not to think of that incident, since it contradicts my conventions, the agreements that I have made with the world, the attempts to be practical and positive person. It jeopardizes the order, the coziness and the normality of life. It simply does not fit into the texture of the rational and humanistic world we live in. 
But then, if it happens despite our mindset, what would it be, if we keep our hearts and minds gentle and open, what if the texture of the reality is looser than what I want it to be? What if I stop thinking all the time, day and night, and compel myself to feel instead? What if I try to be more careful to the whisper of the intuition, to the strings pulled by the fate, to the verses of the unknown?
Honestly, I wish I could do it, but I doubt it. We all strive for happiness and happiness is actually simple thing, too simple for the complex human nature. We tend to be complicated, to want more, to get bored. Listening to the unknown doesn't seem to make it easier. That is why we play low, and stay rational.

In that crucial moment of my life, on that trip, my reason had hit the wall and was not able to discern any more what shall I do. I got my mystical revelation then, on the limits of the knowable. And it was sharp and clear, even if I did not let myself believe even then. A much stronger slap from the world beyond was needed in order to convince me, and I got it a couple of months later.

To sum up, all that was really fun and I am really grateful for those events. So have a Happy Halloween, relax and let the sorceress or the wizard in yourself have a flight tonight!

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